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Diagnose anything
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 Misc
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Diagnose anything
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I think I'll go and see my Doctor!" His friend immediately replied, Don't do that.
There's a new computer at Amcal that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than your doctor. All you do is put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do."
Pete, figuring that he had nothing to lose, filled a jar with his piss, went to Amcal where he found the computer and deposited his sample. The computer started making a few noises and some lights started to flash. After a brief pause, out popped a small piece of paper which read:
YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW, SOAK YOUR ARM IN WATER THREE TIMES A DAY FOR AN HOUR. AVOID HEAVY WORK. YOUR ELBOW WILL GET BETTERINTWO WEEKS.
That evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology was and how it could change the world of medicine forever, he began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He decided to try. He mixed together some tap water, engine oil from his car, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and, at the last minute, masturbated into the concoction. He went back to Amcal, deposited the sample in the computer and waited for the result. After the noises and the flashing lights ceased, out popped a piece of paper, which
read:
YOUR TAP WATER IS DIRTY, GET A FILTER. THE VALVES ON YOUR ENGINE ARE FUCKED, GET IT TO A GARAGE. YOUR DOG HAS WORMS,GET HIM TO A VET. YOUR DAUGHTER IS HOOKED ON SMACK, GET HER TO REHAB.
& YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS, GET A LAWYER. AND IF YOU DON'T STOP WANKING, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER
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