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French bashing
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 Misc
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French bashing
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
---Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
---General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
---Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
---Regis Philbin
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."
---P.J O'Rourke (1989)
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
---Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno
France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.
---Mark Twain
Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
---Ted Nugent
I hear the French tank has 14 gears. 13 of them are in reverse. The forward gear is only used when someone attacks from behind.
The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
War without France would be like...World War II
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.
Q: Why are all the boulevards in France lined with trees?
A: Because the Germans LOVE to march in the shade.
Q. How do you stop a French Tank?
A. Shoot the guy pushing it.
Q. How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris?
A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
The best French bashing line I've heard over the last week is "We can count on the French to be there when they need us."
On the eve of battle between Germany and France...
On the German side the general turns to his aide and says, "Aide, get me my red jacket. In the event that I am wounded, I don't want the men to see me bleeding. I don't want anything to discourage them. I want them to carry on and win this battle."
On the French side the general turns to his aide and says, "Aide, get me my brown pants."
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
---David Letterman
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
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